March 25, 2012 was the due date for our third baby. We found out we had lost her on August 15, 2011 and both dates are hard for me, no matter how many years go by. I think about how we would have a three-year-old running around right now, and I wonder if we would have Joey if we hadn’t lost our third baby. Would we have been done having children once we had three in our home, and never found the blessing that waited for us further down the line? There are many questions but the answers do not lie this side of heaven.
I regularly ask God to hold my little ones that I never got to hold and to love on them fiercely for me until I get to heaven to be with them. They are dearly loved and dearly missed, and I know I will continue to shed tears for them no matter how many years go by and no matter how assured I am that I will meet them one day. My heart hurts for the time I didn’t get to have with them here on earth, and I comfort myself in the knowledge that they are loved more than I know by the one who sacrificed his Son to save us all. God knows my loss and He continues to heal my heart with every passing day.